It Is Time To Write Again

I just don't know where to start. Too much going on in my head that wants to spill out through my fingers. I just don't know if I have the energy anymore to sift through it all. Too many songs speak to me as they never did before. Too many random thoughts that never appeared before seem to be trying to tell me something of significance, but its as if they are speaking a foreign language that I'll never find an interpreter to translate them for me.

To say my life changed for the worse two years ago is a gross understatement. It has been a downward spiral that seems to be gaining with momentum. Each time I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel, someone blows the fucker up and darkness prevails once more.

I exist. I do not live anymore. Each day is a day, nothing more, nothing less. There is nothing to look forward to and very little to look back on. I trudge through each day; the muck around my feet getting thicker and deeper. It saps every bit of my energy to get through it each day. But trudge I must. Don't mistake me - I would never do something as stupid & senseless as to leave this world. Too many people depend on me and I'm not ready to give up. I just want the life I'm existing in to change. If only I had the proper tools and knowledge to know what to do and how to do it.

So I trudge and I exist. I'm famous for saying that you have to live life to its fullest; that life isn't a dress rehearsal and that you don't get do-overs. I just need a start-over. A makeover. Something.